i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
