My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
