I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize