I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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