I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
