I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
