so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love accidental penises.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
