Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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