Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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