you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I AM VODKA MAN
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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