I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
