You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
