this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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