I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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