I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
