Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
