so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We have started to decorate penises.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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