i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
