id be glad to
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
