It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to cum in my sink.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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