he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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