Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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