i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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