I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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