wanna go halves on a baby?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
