I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize