i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
