so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
