Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
