ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
