I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
