I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
