It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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