New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
