I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
