Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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