Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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