if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
