I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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