i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
