So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
