Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
