the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
