Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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