Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
