So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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