oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
