Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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