Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just invented taco cereal.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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