I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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