Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
