just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Semen is not good for contacts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
