My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
