a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
