hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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