So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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