I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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