you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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