i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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