The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
