my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
