I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got inside last night via doggy door
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
