i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
