So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
