my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
