I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
