What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Everything about him screamed your future.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
