Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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