he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
