I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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