32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
