So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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