Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
