bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
