my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
