i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
